About those New Year's resolutions …

TakeAway: Odds are that you won’t keep your New Year’s resolutions, but it’s worth trying and there are some “tricks of the trade”.

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WSJ: A Cheat Sheet for Keeping Resolutions, Dec. 29, 2009

If you are making a New Year’s resolution you would like to keep,  keep in mind that only about 19% of people who make them actually stick to their vows for two years.

But those discouraging statistics mask an important truth: The simple act of making a New Year’s resolution sharply improves your chances of accomplishing a positive change—by a factor of 10.

Among those people who make resolutions in a typical year, 46% keep them for at least six months.

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Successful resolution-keepers make specific, concrete action plans to change their daily behavior.  Here are the principles they follow:

• Take one step at a time. Too many people “make large resolutions, such as losing 40 pounds by March, that are just too hard to accomplish.”    Most people do better if they break big goals into small steps. After 30 days, small changes become habit, adding up gradually to an overhaul.

• Get a little help from your friends. Enlist like-minded friends to help. Make a five-minute phone call every day to a friend who has agreed to keep the same resolution.  That interaction with another person keeps it alive and keeps us sharing and listening.”

• Change your environment. Another catalyst of change is to alter your surroundings to support your new behavior. Tracking your progress by recording or charting it also helps. 

• Announce your intentions. Tell friends; publish  the intention on a blog; anything !

• Figure out your attachment to bad habits.  Psychologists advise figuring out what your bad behaviors do for you and finding healthier substitutes. If you overeat to ease stress, for example, start practicing deep breathing or meditation.

• Expect setbacks. People who fail at resolutions tend to criticize or blame themselves for slip-ups. In contrast, successful resolution-keepers brush off the inevitable setbacks and got quickly back on track.

Full article:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704234304574625993885272978.html?mod=WSJ_hps_MIDDLEForthNews

Another Holiday Season Message: The Shameful Decline of Shame

Ken’s Take: Worth reading and internalizing … especially during the holiday season …

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Excerpted from Richmond Times-Dispatch: The Shameful Decline of Shame, by Robin Beres, December 27, 2009

Webster’s New World College Dictionary defines shame as a painful feeling of having lost the respect of others because of the improper behavior, incompetence, etc. of oneself or another; or as a dishonor or disgrace.

Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan have all gotten rich (or richer) from behaving like tramps. As we are treated to an unending series of newscasts on their panty-free nights out, their homemade sex tapes, and trashy photography shoots, the media glorify these women for being nothing more than what Americans once referred to as sluts.

Gov. Eliot Spitzer was caught fooling around on his wife with a high-priced escort;  Spitzer’s replacement, David Paterson, quickly admitted to numerous affairs — as well as marijuana and cocaine use; when South Carolina governor Mark Sanford’s dalliance with his sultry soul mate became public, he opted to remain as governor; and, oh yeah, how about that Tiger Woods?

It seems that — even outside the steamy world of celebrity sex-capades — shame has become an outmoded concept.

Being judgmental or critical of actions that are immoral or wrong is now considered politically incorrect.

• No longer is there any shame in staying on welfare or having a child out of wedlock.
• There is no shame in being just a mediocre student in school.
• Elbows on the dinner table and interrupting are accepted.
• People rudely talk on their cells and text any time, any place.
• Screaming at someone in public is OK.
• We put up with crude, even filthy, language.
• We teach our kids that self-esteem is something entitled simply because one exists.

Perhaps a little old-fashioned shame could serve us well.

This is not to advocate a return to the harsh judgments of yesteryear. No one wants to see someone tarred and feathered for making poor choices or behaving badly — but perhaps just a wee touch of accountability could have some positive effects.

Edmund Burke wrote: “shame keeps watch so that virtue is not wholly extinguished from the heart.”

Since we don’t have the great number of stern nuns around anymore to chastise our bad behavior, perhaps it is up to us to start acting like grown-ups and demand better behavior from our politicians, our celebrities, and even ourselves.

Full article:
http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/news/opinion/commentary/article/ED-BERES27_20091225-192807/313566/

Christmas 2009 – 45 Lessons in Life

This short slide show was sent to me by a friend. 

It really resonated with me, so I thought I’d share it with you.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all !
 … back with you after the New Year

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click picture or link below to launch
then click to advance slides 
( best with audio on)
 

ttp://kenhoma.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/45lesonsinlife-091118003935-phpapp02.pps

Post-Thanksgiving reflections …

We received this from a friend on T-Day.  Several passages resonated with me.  Worth reading, even when it’s not Thanksgiving

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I Believe… That just because two people argue, doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, and just because they don’t argue, doesn’t mean they do love each other.  

I Believe… That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.  

I Believe… That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.    

I Believe… That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.    

I Believe… That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.  

I Believe… That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.  

I Believe… That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.  

I Believe… That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.  

I Believe…. That either you control your attitude or it controls you.    

I Believe… That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.  

I Believe… That money is a lousy way of keeping score.  

I Believe… That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.    

I Believe… That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.    

I Believe… That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,  but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.  

I Believe… That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had, and what you’ve learned from them…..and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.    

I Believe… That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.  

I Believe… That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.    

I Believe… That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.  

I Believe… Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.  

I Believe… That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.  

I Believe… That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you…….you will find the strength to help.  

I Believe… That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.    

I Believe… That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.  

I Believe…. That the happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything.      

I thank God for all the wonderful people who help us through-out the journey of life.